Attachment Parenting AKA Instinctive & Natural Parenting

Ever been asked what your parenting style is?
I haven't directly, but I am pleased to say we have parented from our hearts since before Max was born. It's what felt right, natural, and has worked for us since the moment he was born.

So what is Attachment Parenting all about?  

To me, it is about being close and connected to your baby. It's about establishing strong connections with your child even whilst they're still in the womb, and continuing this relationship throughout your (and their) life. It's getting to know each other on a deeper level, and knowing you have someone who you love and trust.

It includes, but certainly isn't limited to:

• Co-sleeping - we bed-share with Max, but having your child in a sleeping space either on a mattress next to your bed or in a cot in your bedroom is still considered co-sleeping. There are many people who will tell you it is dangerous to co-sleep. The only time there has been recorded deaths is when people are co-sleeping outside of the safe sleeping guidelines (e.g. on soft couches where babies have slipped down the edge of the armrest & the seat, 3 people squished together in a small single bed, or sleeping with babies whilst on sleeping medication (drugs), intoxicated (alcohol) or smoking).  

While I was pregnant, I read some interesting studies by Professor James McKenna about mother & baby interactions whilst co-sleeping. Read more here.
 

• Extended Breastfeeding on demand & Baby-Led Weaning - This one was a no-brainer for me. It is nature's way of boosting love hormones (oxytocin and prolactin) and ensuring secure attachment from the moment your baby is born. It provides nutrition, love and comfort any time of the day. It is sterile, convenient, and portable. The baby's saliva contributes to formation and maturation of immune cells made for them by their mother. Nothing amazes me more than the beauty and ease of breastfeeding. 

'On demand' means you follow your baby's cues, not the clock/schedule when the baby needs a breastfeed. This ensures you have a steady production of milk and baby is satisfied- Food AND comfort wise.
Baby-Led approach allows you to learn your baby's subtle, yet articulate language. It is often frowned upon by child health nurses, as they say things like "your baby doesn't need to feed at night after 6 months, don't let them manipulate you". This is complete bollocks. Let your baby decide when they want to night wean. FYI- prolactin is highest at night, meaning, if you struggle with milk supply, you're best to offer more feeds at night, to produce milk more efficiently. The more feeds your baby has, the more milk you produce. The amount of milk your baby needs will change almost daily, so when it feels like they are feeding every hour for a couple of days, they might be trying to boost your supply, ready for a growth spurt, or, if they go off the breastfeeding for a few days, they might not need as much milk at that stage. Just trust your instincts. If you feel there is a real supply issue, you might consider visiting a lactation consultant, or join the Australian Breastfeeding Association (ABA) and gain support from other mums about breastfeeding.

There is no defined age to wean your child from breastfeeding. In fact, the average age, worldwide is 4.2 years. The World Health Organisation (WHO) recommends for children to be breastfed until 2 years of age and beyond. Unfortunately, in Australia, our breastfeeding rates are a dismal 14% by 6 months of age. I believe if breastfeeding women were supported to continue breastfeeding through longer paid maternity leave, and formula (artificial milk) was prescription only, our rates would be much higher, lasting through the toddler years.

About solid foods- If your baby won't eat solids at 6 months of age (recommended age), no big deal! Just keep offering healthy bits off your plate, and they'll eventually start eating when they are ready. A great resource for beginning solids is baby led weaning.
 

• Baby wearing- one of my favourite parts of the day is popping Max into the Manduca (see pics below) and going for a walk. It's so practical to wind through the people in the shopping centre. It's so comfy and warm to have him snuggled in during winter, and he can discreetly breastfeed whenever he wants to. Oh and did I mention he weighs over 10kg now? It's great exercise!! 

Studies have linked baby wearing with less colic, fussiness and digestive issues, less infant crying and increased state of relaxed alertness where babies actually take in and learn about their environment from a very young age. Dr. Sears explains more here
 

• Gentle Guidance- as opposed to discipline, uses open communication and connection. It teaches children (and parents) to use words calmly and effectively to express their emotions. Of course it is a work in progress for all involved, as we all need help to express how we feel at times. I like this approach, because it shows your child you are a human who shows human emotions (empathy, love, happiness, sadness, anger, frustration) and encourages, as opposed to shaming children to express themselves as best as they can, knowing they have a loving adult as support. I've found aha parenting a fantastic resource for information on gentle guidance.

 

• Cloth Nappies- we use Modern Cloth Nappies (MCN's) for Max day and night. There are so many great reasons to use cloth. Great for baby (easy to change, easy to wash, no nasty chemicals/synthetics), great for the environment, AND for the money in your wallet. Disposable nappies inevitably end up as land fill. Think of how many your household uses in a day (for those without kiddos, you might use anywhere between 6-12 per day). Multiply by the huge population worldwide, and that's a whole lot of waste and synthetic materials going into the earth. Sadface. If money is a problem, ask people to give you a few cloth nappies instead of newborn clothes at your baby shower. Start using them from the moment you feel ready (or once bub is big enough) and watch the amount of waste decrease in your house! I thought it'd be good to mention here- wipes are mainly made from synthetic material and harsh chemicals which can lead to some pretty nasty nappy rash. Use an old face washer dipped in water to wipe baby, and smear on a little coconut or olive oil onto baby's bottom to save on more waste, and most importantly, prevent nappy rash. Happy days.

• Child being left with at least one loving parent or loving carer (most of the time) for the first 3 years of life- Humans, by far, take the longest out of all mammals to become independent of their parents. If you're like me, I certainly want to see and experience my baby's milestones and learning as it occurs. Kids need love, guidance and nurturing. We, as parents, need to be their 'safe place' and when our babies grow up, they need to know they can have the freedom to venture out, even if it is just to the other side of the playground, knowing they can return to their 'safe place' whenever they need to.  By being close to your baby for these first, tender years, separation anxiety is lessened, and strong, empathic connections are established. Children trust us as their parents, and learn to create strong connections with other people as they encounter them in life.

 



There are an infinite amount of ways to parent and connect with your child. Attachment parenting works for us and our baby. Just trust your instincts, listen to your baby and enjoy each moment and experience.